my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
your like the ambassador to my penis.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
