you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
