the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
