ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
