how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
