Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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