apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
