yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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