1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize