Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
