apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
