So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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