It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
