so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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