Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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