well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
where are you?
Hypothermia
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
