FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize