so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
