Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
