yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
