also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
