I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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