You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm both gender and math confused
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
