you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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