You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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