Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?