Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
