Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
