that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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