bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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