thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
