Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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