I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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