I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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