So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
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This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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