i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
