like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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