Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
