Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
