im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize