**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
