dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
