I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
