You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
