Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
