Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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