Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
