it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
