Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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