She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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