I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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