If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
