I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
