I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
