the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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