OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
