Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
