watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
