No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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