you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
