you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
