you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
