I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
