i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
