12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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