I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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