The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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