now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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