Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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