I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
