Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
