she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
