Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
