So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
