My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
