Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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