Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
