how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
