Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
