I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
